Forget about cats and dogs! It's raining freaking sharks! |
I’ll focus on the movie. You are pulled into “Sharknado”’s story, an Asylum film that was released 2013, like a car – or in this case: a shark – into a tornado because at the beginning we find ourselves on a small boat on the ocean, 20 miles off the coast of Mexico, where two “businessmen” negotiate on a deal that involves sharks. 20000 (!) of them are out there, swimming in a school of sharks and the fisher only thinks of big bucks. Their deal, however, doesn’t come to a conclusion because a storm approaches quickly and drops the school of sharks on its way and they’re hungry! During the movie I tried to reconstruct the path of the Sharknado which, thanks to the constant live news, worked – more or less, and came to the conclusion that the Sharknado covered a distance from approximately 3000 km (about 1864 miles). That’s about 266 times of the average distance a tornado covers, so maybe “Sharknado” isn’t the right term to use here… “Sharkane” might be a better term to describe this phenomenon.
You bastard! You ruined my sandcastle! |
The storm heads towards California where we get to meet the hero of the movie: Fin. He owns a bar at Santa Monica Pier and enjoys surfing and apparently climbing, but I will explain that one later. When the sharknado / sharkane hits California’s beach, nobody seems to really care – maybe because there are shots of Santa Monica at a clear sunny day in between. Yes, the editing of the film could have done better, but I will try to stick to the plot and not all mistakes here… I wouldn’t get much done otherwise. Okay.
I believe I can flyyyyyy! I believe I can touch
the sky!
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My momma always said, “Life was like a box of
chocolates.”
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When they get to him, of course the sharks are there too and Fin’s son utters his wish to “drop bombs in the sharknado”. Well, I’m not the one to judge his wish, other young people want to be a pilot, visit foreign countries or what else their heart desires. This young man wants to drop bombs in a tornado that’s filled with alive and hungry for human flesh sharks, and he already knows where to get all that: Toys ‘R’--- No, of course not. It’s the DIY store. MacGyver’s illegitimate son knows what he’s doing as he happily builds his (presumably not) first bomb. Guess it’s just a usual weekend for him and as terrifying this matter is, strangely, his plan works. Why? We will most likely never know, but with this happy ending the movie closes with fast credit scrolls. The people working on the movie were probably too ashamed of themselves and thus decided to leave us with many unanswered questions, like: How did Fin manage to find the same shark that ate his friend? How was he able to use a chainsaw in it to escape when there’s clearly no air in a shark and thus the chainsaw should be useless? How come the sharks appear to grow and shrink in a moment? Hmm… That’s to the X-Files.
In conclusion the movie is BAD, but it’s what you get from The Asylum. Anyone expecting high quality CGI or a coherent plot, go and watch something else, “Sharknado” isn’t for you. If you’re looking for fun, silly explosions for no evident reason, and/or bad imitations of movies such as “Jaws”, give “Sharknado” a try. There are many things to discover that will leave you astonished and wonder “WTF did I just watch?